Controversial Street Sign Bill would Label Rape Hotspots 

‘Beware of Rapists” street signs may soon be coming to an avenue near you.

In defense of his “grab her by the pussy” remarks, Donald Trump’s team of invalids is proposing Federal legislation that will require cities to identify sex crime hotspots with plain street signage. Alpha males are aggressive chauvenist hotheads, not rapist loser scum. Assertive assholes understand rape to be a crime of the Unamerican trash magnitude and not some harmless prank to be played on self righteous prude women willy nilly. Just because she doesn’t press charges when you grab her by the pussy doesn’t necessarily mean she is game for consenting sex. Intercourse is a sacred act between two exasperated workaholics intoxicated while on the job..everyone knows that. 

Included in the bill is language detailing the use of signs that also explicitly notify passersby that normally illegal sexual assault is permissible in given areas. This is the ‘Glory Hole Clause.’ A public shelter and safe haven for the traditionally submissive American woman who has no real respect for herself, these areas are free of moral judgement and promiscuity stigmas, enabling unprecedented inappropriate sexual conduct to take place. Proponents of the bill, fearing backlash from off-the-grid prostitution operations and gangs alike, are pushing for the availability of on-site vending machines with an ample assortment of both lethal and nonlethal weapons. Smith & Wesson will stock the vending machines wilst Tesla will provide power via top mounted solar roofs. 

E.L. Fudgepacker


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