Grotesque of Athletic Proportions: Lebron James and His Girlfriend’s Superstition

LeBron James has his wife carry around two things. They’re both life size replicas of his genetalia. One is in the erect form. One is in the flaccid form. She’s not allowed to talk when he asks her questions, she simply holds up one form or the other to answer. As you could imagine this makes public outings rather eventful. Don’t expect to see them out and about any time soon. 

Fire Sauce Packets Filled With 24 karat Gold Nuggets

Taco Bell fielding questions after customers apparently discovered the shiny precious metal in reportedly ‘hard to open’ packets. Blacksmiths all over the country are saying this is the finest purity ever to surface at the fast food level. No injuries reported at this time sans the typical high gravity Hershey squirts from unaffected supply.