St. Ignatius to Permit Lesbian Enrollment in 2018

The times they are a changing. 

The LGBT Community rejoices after a groundbreaking decision by faculty and board members alike.

Athletic staff has alluded to the comradery lesbians bring to the playing field.

The world of American high schools will never be the same. 

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Bleached Effigy of Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson Left at City Hall

Mayor Frank Jackson has been deemed inordinately caucasian by the people of Cleveland, Ohio.

Late Sunday night a life sized dummy appearing to resemble Mayor Frank Jackson was splattered with Clorox and left on the steps of city hall for all to see. 

The discoloration marks the culmination of days long resentment in the wake of multiple heinous mishandled crimes throughout the poverty stricken corrupt city. Reportedly, constituents are tired of hunkering down, citing dwindling kickbacks and favors from the compulsive con man. 

Fox 8 News had difficulty obtaining a statement from the lifeless character. Still days away from pickup, garbage men are already fired up about disposing of the deadbeat political dummy. Concerns over pressure from Cleveland residents to leave the mannequin were cited. Crest, Colgate, the British Parliament and other whitening agent producers are stepping in to offer cleanup assistance. 

Snow bunnies in the area were clueless as to what was actually happening. “WE SHALL UNDERHAND” signs were hoisted by a small crowd of hilarious non white supporters. “FIGHT FOR CIVIL WHITES” was another. 

Grotesque of Athletic Proportions: Lebron James and His Girlfriend’s Superstition

LeBron James has his wife carry around two things. They’re both life size replicas of his genetalia. One is in the erect form. One is in the flaccid form. She’s not allowed to talk when he asks her questions, she simply holds up one form or the other to answer. As you could imagine this makes public outings rather eventful. Don’t expect to see them out and about any time soon.