New Ola COO Banking on Guided Imagery Soundtracks

Life is just way better with Ola. 

The largest competitor in rival to Uber has set forth in ambitious goal. New COO whips up deal with Spotify banking on customizable playlists for passengers. Directly from a smart phone a consumer will be endowed with the power to reign over the jukebox while in car.

Works have begun on the brain wave altering soundtrack dubbed the Urban Jungle. Neurologists are being recruited from the upper echelons of academic acclaim and corporate culture all across the globe. One track, called “the escape,” promises a ‘dry orgasm’ and is a growing favorite among C suite level executives under the unnerving duress of continuous business meetings on the road. 

Travis Kalanick, Uber’s own CEO, in utter disbelief hearing the news, set out for some good old fashioned reconnaissance. After a few dry orgasms, a smoke and a good cry, Kalanick vowed revenge by Uber. Drivers are now subject to a mandatory photography quiz enabling all Uber vehicles to double as photo booths. One driver was called a ‘designated selfie stick bitch’ and voluntarily resigned after an altercation turmed violent. For an added layer of competitive advantage, law enforcement radio frequency and semi truck radio channels are now available for the gossipy riders’ listening pleasure. 

Ola has its sights set on Oculus Rift video teleconferencing technology currently under development. With future hopes of offering up the college tuition debt addled freelance WebCam model community to consumers thru its Ride-A-VIP proprietary mobile lap dance venue, Ola’s name is echoing around Las Vegas based tech investor enclaves. The COO says demand for  ‘compartmentalizable sexual experiences’ are ballooning and will remain so for the foreseeable future as time becomes more and more precious. 


Fire Sauce Packets Filled With 24 karat Gold Nuggets

Taco Bell fielding questions after customers apparently discovered the shiny precious metal in reportedly ‘hard to open’ packets. Blacksmiths all over the country are saying this is the finest purity ever to surface at the fast food level. No injuries reported at this time sans the typical high gravity Hershey squirts from unaffected supply.