White House Preps for Apple Sponsorship on Friday

Trump and Apple came to an undisclosed deal late in the afternoon Wednesday. Sources have since confirmed the White House inked the details in silence. “It was quiet enough to hear The Constitution take a whispy final breath” one insider mocked.

For the duration of President Elect Donald Trump’s sentence to The White House’s patio futon there is to be a nightly light show. A rolling apple will be viewable from the street tumbling around the 360° dome base. Caramel drizzle raining down is a wild card being considered. Starbucks reportedly “will stop at nothing to cozy up next to Apple in the golden age of Trump.”

Donald Trump spoke with Tim Cook while enjoying a few ritual morning pussy grabs. Tim riled him up with a joke about turning all the American retail stores into high tech vending machines. The new administration can not afford to look like losers losing dickloads of jobs. Apple beat China long time so what the hell. If Apple wants to help make America great again so be it. There used to be the Obama Phone. Now there is going to be the Trump watch. Made by Apple. You guessed it. And for a nominal fee you can get the Mainline Edition which directly injects either ginseng or crack. The only drawback for the Mainline Edition is that each injection is random.
E.L. Fudgepacker

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